So many other things but it’s 5am and I can’t think…
Most of this list sums up my college dating experience
Anybody who says “I would never let my girl (insert thing an adult should have the freedom to decide whether or not to do here)”
if they try to separate you from the people you care about
if you have a suspicion that they’re insecure about any of your accomplishments
if he says “females” instead of “women”, “ladies” or even “girls”
the first time you hear him refer to a woman as a “bitch”, “thot”, “ho”, etc and he can’t reasonably explain how that term applies, just has some throwaway answer…she probably rejected him in the past or has her own mind. He’ll be calling you that after he does something shitty enough for you to leave.
if he tries to control the things you do or own (pets , vacations etc) without actually making any commitment to you.
(this ones connected to my fist one) if he tries to make you give up or abandon something for his love example “would you give up your dog for me?” (was actually asked of me in a very sweetheart, romantic big eyed tone)
if he’s so “busy”.
if he only seems to call you around for sex.
if he is constantly trying to pressure you into sexual acts you have previously told him makes you uncomfortable.
if he tries to make you feel insecure or foolish for enjoying the things you enjoy.
if he only seems to care about you, or becomes jealous the second you begin another relationship.
(and this sorta goes without saying) has no problem dating someone much much younger than him, or taking advantage of teenagers.
Just to add:
(sorry if these were already mentioned)
• If he uses his “strong emotions” for you to manipulate you ex: I get so depressed when you go x amount of time without calling me
• if he says, “but I’m a nice/good guy” to get to you to do something you’ve said you’re uncomfortable with
• if he’s never where he says he will be when he says he’ll be there OR keeps you waiting an excessive amount of time
• if he stalks your social media profiles
• if he says “if I were gonna hurt you, don’t you think I would’ve done it by now?”
Basically, if it don’t feel right, it ain’t right.
Black women need to start a hashtag #icanbeboth where we post pictures of ourselves with degrees, at graduation, sitting in your office, being successful etc. along side pics of us partying, twerking, dancing, having fun as NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS DO.
Because this idea that you are either a hoe or a sophisticated woman is toxic as hell. It’s a racialized version of the virgin-whore dichotomy. I can be both a sexual being and an role model/educator at the same damn time.